I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
