how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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