I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
