I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Panties = found
Randomize