I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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