So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
