Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
