She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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