Betty ford says i'm here all night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
