She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
