If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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