I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
