Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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