Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
