Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
God, I missed his penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
