Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
