Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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