I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
