I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
PANTIES FOUND
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