is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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