i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
