Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
