I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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