Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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