I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
