I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
