the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
