Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
