is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
