Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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