I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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