Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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