went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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