I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
