I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
