the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
