I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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