Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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