ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
