peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
