it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
