girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
