You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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