Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
