I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
