Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dicks are not precious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
