OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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