you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
