I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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