do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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