Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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