butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
