Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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