Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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