I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
