Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
