I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
