He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
