I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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