ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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