I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
