I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
