I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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