So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
