what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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