I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
